Welcome to the season of Big Conversations
Is it just me, or does it feel like we’re in the season of Big Conversations?
I’m talking about the kind of conversation that makes your stomach queasy and your palms sweaty. The kind that keeps you up at night, rehearsing your position and central argument. The kind that – if you don’t say the thing you need to say – it’s only going to make things worse…
Pitching a new promotion to your boss
Defusing a co-parenting miscommunication with your partner
Discussing differing political or policy positions with your neighbors
Making amends with a challenging family member.
Whatever the topic, today I’m sharing 5 tips for any Big Conversation in your life.
I've used these tips in coaching sessions, heated discussions with family, and even in my most challenging moments as a parent. In fact, I love these tips so much that I wrote them on a post-it and stuck it to my computer!
Ready? Let’s dive in:
#1: SLOW DOWN
We're all running around so fast. But when we’re prepping for a Big Conversation, speed matters. So first things first, slow down.
This might mean taking a quiet moment alone to compose yourself before a big meeting. Or taking something off your to-do list so you have more breathing room in your schedule. Reduce your pace, so you can really tune into your intentions for the conversation at hand.
#2: LISTEN
Slowing down is also key because it helps you listen. But here’s a watchout: I’m not talking about listening just so you can anticipate what the other person is going to say and have your response teed up (guilty as charged).
In coaching we use the term “Level 3 Listening” to signify a deeper, more present attunement to all the cues: what someone says, yes. And also their body language, the energy in the room, even their mood. Shift into Level 3, and truly listen.
#3: CLARIFY YOUR TOPIC
This is key both at the outset of a Big Conversation, but also during. Sometimes I’ll start a conversation about one topic, and halfway through I’ll realize we’ve drifted into talking about something else! Has this ever happened to you?
Thoughts meander, people lose focus, and sometimes we end up having a conversation about nothing – the exact opposite of what we’d originally hoped for. So, if you feel like the discussion has strayed away from the original starting point, name that out loud. It’ll help you both refocus and stay on track.
#4: USE YOUR INTUITION
Many of us shy away from using our intuition, thanks in large part because our culture and conditioning tells us it’s safer, and more responsible, to ‘outsource’ our point of view to people who know better than we do.
But intuition is actually a vital tool when preparing for and participating in a Big Conversation. In fact, if you think the conversation will be especially combative or tense, using your intuition can be like a super power that helps you connect with the other person and make progress.
Ask yourself: What do I really think is going on here? How can I speak aloud what’s not being said? Just remember to actually be brave and say out loud what your intuition tells you!
#5: STAY IN THE MOMENT
I can’t open up Instagram without seeing multiple posts about mindfulness, presence and breathing… and I’ll admit, I do roll my eyes sometimes. Still, there’s wisdom in the idea that we can’t control what happened yesterday, and we can’t control what happens tomorrow – but we can control how we show up and what we do right now.
Right now! Like this very moment.
So the next time you’re in a Big Conversation and your head is reeling, don’t stress about what just happened or what might happen. Stay focused on this moment. Breathe. And keep going.
So, there you have it: 5 tips for your next Big Conversation.
What tips would you add? And what Big Conversations are you gearing up for? I’m eager to hear what you think.
Onward,
PS: I’m just a few weeks away from completing all four journals in my ‘100 Days of Designing My Life: The Reflection Journal’ series!
If you’re starting to think about bulk holiday gifts for your clients, your colleagues, or other communities you belong to, consider gifting them their own personal guide to authentic self-discovery!
Email me at ashley@wayfinderscollective.com and let’s chat about how you can make a meaningful impression through this creative, one-of-a-kind gift. I’d love to explore how these journals can support the people you care about.