Are You Boxing Yourself In?

A few weeks ago, on a girls trip to New Orleans, I found myself sitting outside on a park bench and staring directly into a white paper bag.

Inside the white paper bag were three perfectly fried, very fresh beignets from Cafe du Monde.

If you know – you know: A trip to NOLA isn’t complete without enjoying these beignets (not to mention covering yourself in ungodly quantities of powdered sugar in the process!).

Here’s where it gets tricky: 

As my friend and I tucked into our respective bags of beignets, I could sense myself starting to calculate…

How many beignets should I have?

I’m not proud to admit it, but my first thought as I bit into this delicious treat was one of restriction:

How many am I allowed?

This kind of thought – of restraining myself, of not letting myself fully indulge – is so normal for me that it didn’t even really register in my brain…

…Until I casually – and even boastfully! –  said to my friend, “I think I might treat myself to two of these today.”

And my dear friend, who I trust and cherish, looked at me and said matter-of-factly:

“Ashley, they’re your beignets. Eat as many of them as you want!”

I was shocked.

Not because she was giving me permission to eat the entire order of beignets.

But because it had never occurred to me that I wouldn’t restrict myself.

There are so many places where we put constraints around ourselves.

We limit what’s available to us, or for us. We tell ourselves No because it feels like the right, responsible or appropriate thing to do In short, we box ourselves in.

For me, it often pops up around food and my body. But I notice it in the goals I set for myself and my business, too.

And when I say, “pop up,” I mean it – because it often feels like a game of Jack-in-the-Box, with an unexpected or previously-invisible limitation jumping out at me with no warning.

For my clients, these unexpected limitations will often pop up when we’re talking through their options:

  • A corporate executive who assumes she’ll need to make concessions during a job negotiation… suddenly smiles and lightens when we consider, what if she could get what she wanted and didn’t need to make tradeoffs?

  • A freelance marketer who believes she needs to stow away her art during the workday … suddenly glows when she gives herself permission to start her day with her art practice before focusing on her to-do list.

  • A working mom who feels the weight of managing her family’s weekend schedules and commitments… suddenly stands a few inches taller when she decides to prioritize time for herself and her own weekend recovery first.

Coaching – and the intimate, honest conversations it creates – helps you uncover these constraints, expose their false limitations, and choose to think differently.

Because what if? 

What if you didn’t have to limit yourself? What if you didn’t have to make trade-offs or concessions? What if you didn’t have to restrict or constrain yourself?

What if you could just eat the beignets – and enjoy every bite?

Food for thought today.

Onward,

 
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It’s Time to Listen to Your Inner Knowing

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How to get out of your own way