Why you don’t have to have it all figured out

I’m just going to come right out and say it…

You don’t have to have it all figured out. In fact, you don’t want to.

I didn’t always believe this. In fact, for most of my childhood and young adulthood, I felt the exact opposite.

I NEEDED to have it all figured out. 

Not only because it made me feel smart and capable and put together, and I desperately wanted that. But also because of what it meant about me if I didn’t have it all figured out:

Not knowing an answer in class meant I was stupid.

Not knowing what I wanted to major in meant I was a flake.

Not knowing how to pitch myself in a job interview meant I was a mess.

In short, not having “things” (my academics, my career, my life) figured out meant I was deficient. Sloppy. Dumb. Weak.

(it pains me to admit this, but it’s true)

To avoid these feelings about myself, to avoid looking like I didn’t know everything or do everything just.the.right.way, I made myself small.

If I wasn’t completely sure I’d get the answer right, I wouldn’t raise my hand.

If I wasn’t completely sure I’d get a good grade, I didn’t want to try that new class.

If I wasn’t completely sure I’d get the job offer, I didn’t want to apply.

I held myself back, in so many different and sad ways, just because I desperately needed to have it “all figured out” – before I could even begin.

So, what changed? Well, I got laid off.

Suddenly everything that I thought I’d “figured out” was called into question – what I’d do for work, how I’d make money, my career path and story, even what mattered to me.

My work, and in many ways my life, felt like a total blank slate. And for the first time ever, I gave myself permission to figure it out in the open. In real time. 

Not because I wanted to. But because I had to.

And it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

When you allow yourself to evolve, to shift, to change your answers and your course – everything gets better

You learn about yourself and what matters most to you.

You give yourself permission to evolve, rather than staying static (which is actually the essence of being a living, breathing being on Planet Earth).

You get to lower the pressure and expectations you put on yourself (which feels incredible).

You get to reduce the risk of big life change by trying things, seeing what works, and iterating from there.

Not having it all figured out isn’t a sign of weakness.

Not having it all figured out is a sign that you’re curious, creative, brave and resilient.

That you’re willing to be honest with yourself.

That you’re willing to take risks in service of your learning and growth.

That you’re willing to laugh and try and play and even fail… because literally nothing is wasted.

It’s all working in service of you and your most authentic self.

Today, ask yourself:

• Where in my life am I pushing or forcing myself to ‘figure something out’ that’s not yet ready to be answered?

• Why is it uncomfortable for me to not have this part of my life figured out yet? And what have I been believing that this says about me?

• What’s one gift, blessing or silver lining that’s available to me when I can embrace that I don’t need to have this figured out yet? 

Sending you a big hug today.

Onward,

PS: Do you know a friend or family member who needs to hear this message today? I’d love it if you’d invite them to subscribe to my newsletter here.