What will you make it mean?
She sunk back into her seat, put her head down with resignation, and said quietly:
“I can’t believe I let myself fall off my to-do list.”
We were in a sample coaching session, a chance for me to meet with a potential new client and explore how working together could support her career goals.
And this particular woman had a lot of goals – or at least action items. Things like:
Update her resume and send it out in an email blast to her network
Redesign her website with updated samples of her work
Identify a recruiter to help her find leads for new roles
Even hire a coach (me!)
But as she read me this list, it suddenly became clear to her: She wasn’t on it.
Taking care of herself.
Prioritizing herself.
Doing small and big things that brought her joy.
Learning and trying new things.
Having fun.
She confided in me: “I’m so disappointed that I don’t have anything on here that’s about taking care of me.”
In coaching conversations I’ll often ask my clients: what will you make this mean?
It’s a reference to the idea that, in every moment, we have a choice about the story we tell ourselves.
This may sound cliche, but it’s actually incredibly powerful once we can grasp it.
That’s because the story we tell – the meaning we make about ourselves and our lives – has a direct impact on the actions we take and the results we achieve.
In that moment it was clear to me that she was making this mean she had failed. In her eyes it was yet another example of how she wasn’t doing things right.
Instead, I offered to her: what if this moment could mean something different?
What if it means you’ve been given a helpful reminder to put yourself back on your list?
So today I want you to think about a current challenge, problem or question you’re grappling with. Have it in your mind?
Ok, now I want you to consider: what are you making it mean about you? About your potential? About your worth?
And how is that story impacting the action you’re taking and the results you’re achieving (or not)?
Now here’s where it gets fun: grab a piece of paper and pencil, and write out at least 3 different meanings you could make out of this moment.
For example:
Instead of: I’m a failure because I didn’t get accepted into grad school →
Make it mean: Something better or more aligned is on its way to me
Instead of: I’m never going to make money with my side business →
Make it mean: I’m learning how to expand my revenue sources while maintaining my steady W2 income
Instead of: I don’t have time to exercise, eat right or take care of myself →
Make it mean: By choosing to take time for myself, I am role modeling for my family that my needs matter.
Give it a try today and see what shifts in you!
Because the stories we tell about ourselves matter.
Not just because they can make us feel good or bad, proud or disappointed.
But because they link directly to the action we take – or don’t – and the results we achieve – or don’t.
So, what will you make this mean?
Onward,
PS: In my Coaching Circle program, we explore reflection exercises just like this – all in an intimate, 4-month container of a small group of women.
If you’re curious about what that experience is like, be sure to grab your ticket to the free, live event I’m hosting on August 29th. It’s a great chance to try out the Coaching Circle experience live, while also reconnecting with your own Authentic Self. I hope to see you there!