Practicing What You Preach

You know that saying, ‘Do as I say, not as I do?’

For years I’ve been coaching my clients to build a career they love – talking about fulfillment and purpose and values and…

And the truth is, I haven’t been living that myself.

Not the last few months at least.

Looking back on it, I’ve been pushing myself for weeks – urgent deadlines, new goals, deep ambition.

Working nights and weekends.

Pushing, pushing, pushing.

And I feel the wear and tear, the physical but especially the mental toll that it’s taking on me.

I’m tired, overwhelmed, stressed.

I’m not eating well or putting myself first.

And while I still find so much joy and fulfillment in my day-to-day, I go to bed each night completely exhausted.

And I wake up feeling the same way 8 hours later.

Something’s gotta give, I declared earlier this week.

And then I promptly got sick.

Which is my body’s way of agreeing with me.

I’m not mad about it. I’m not blaming myself.

I love my work. Which, believe me, I know is no small accomplishment.

But what I’ve realized is I don’t love the way I’m working. Not right now at least.

I have goals. Lots of them.

And I’m driven to achieve them – for myself, sure. But even more so because I know that I can help.

I know I can help you and everyone like you who’s wishing to build a meaningful life – one that includes fulfilling work and making a unique contribution on the world.

But I can’t tell you to do one thing and not do it myself.

I can’t tell you to make choices based on your values, and then not pay attention to my own.

I can’t tell you to say no and take a stand for yourself, and then silence my own voice.

I can’t tell you to rest and recharge, and then not slow down, too.

As I write this, it’s Sunday afternoon and I’m in bed.

I had planned to work at my desk all day – tying up loose ends from last week and preparing to hit the ground running for tomorrow.

Instead I went to urgent care, got a COVID test (negative, thankfully), came home, made some tea and tucked into the final episode of the Queen’s Gambit.

I’m tapping into my value of quiet time.

I’m saying no to overworking.

I’m resting.

I’m practicing what I preach.

As we head into a most unusual Thanksgiving week – in the midst of a most unusual year – I want to offer this:

Look for the misalignment.

Look for the places where what you say you want is not what you’re doing.

It could be, like me, the way you’re working right now isn’t aligned with how you want to be and feel.

It could be, like me, you’re saying yes to things you know deep down should be no’s.

It could be, like me, you’re pushing so hard on future goals that you’ve lost sight of the life that matters is the one you’re living right now.

Look for the misalignment. And then ask: what might I do about it?

That’s the question I’m asking myself this week.

And I’m asking it because I believe that I have the agency and the autonomy to design the way I want to live.

And you do, too.

Since it’s Thanksgiving, I thought I’d share one of my favorite posts from a few years ago: My Thanksgiving is Perpetual.

I wrote it way before Wayfinders Collective, but as I re-read it now, I can see that its seeds were already being planted.

One paragraph rings especially true :

“This is about choosing to live a life – really to build a life – that is so authentic to you and your values that it becomes easier and easier for you to continue to fill up your gratitude cup and see it overflow, every day, for the rest of your life. If I want my thanksgiving to be perpetual, I must make choices and tweaks and edits that help me align my outer life with my inner life. This, I think, is where the rubber really meets the road, as they say. And it is, I think, where you'll find the difference between feeling thankful on Thanksgiving, and truly feeling like you are laying the groundwork to feel and experience thankfulness day by day, moment to moment.”

One thing I know for sure: I’mthankful for you and the community of Wayfinders we’re building together.

Happy Thanksgiving. Onward,

PS – I’m taking a dose of my own medicine and cancelling my lives on Instagram and FB this week. I’ll share more about what’s on tap for upcoming lives next week.

And of course, click through if you want to see last week's videos on Instagram (getting into the right mindset for using your voice) and in my Facebook group (one simple trick to help you prepare for any tough conversation).