Are You a Controller or a Surfer?

Here’s a question for you: are you a Controller, or a Surfer?

Let me explain.

Everywhere around us is chaos – the pandemic, the election, the seemingly-never-ending-uphill-fight for racial and gender equality… I mean, the list goes on.

And then there’s the chaos we experience on a smaller, more local scale.

The craziness of family schedules, coworkers who don’t get along, rude drivers on the highway. Even the critical or nasty voices in our heads.

In the face of all of this chaos, even the most “go with the flow” among us will likely try to control things.

Try to clamp down the chaos and restore some order around here.

I can always tell I’m in ‘Controller mode’ when my shoulders rise up to my ears, my fists clench, and my jaw starts to hurt.

I get snappy and critical. I get mad. But mostly what I do is steamroll.

Steamrolling is the way I control things when the chaos gets to be too much.

I steamroll the people around me. Steamroll the decisions that need to be made. Steamroll anything and everything that moves or thinks or breathes or needs to be dealt with.

In other words, I’m insufferable.

When I’m steamrolling, I don’t even like being around myself.

What does your Controller look like when you’re met with life’s challenges?

How do you know when you’ve switched into Control mode?

Now let’s talk about Surfing.

Funny enough, I’ve never actually tried surfing. But if I try to imagine what it must be like, the first thing that comes to mind is flexibility. 

Being flexible and present, in your body, and willing to go where the water takes you. 

That’s what I imagine surfing feels like.

I know I’m in ‘Surfer mode’ when my heart and body are relaxed. Not resting, not sleeping, but loose. 

In this space, I am calm and clear. Decisive and ready. 

Notice that even as a Surfer, I still have to deal with life’s challenges. 

There are still obstacles and painful, trying times in this space.

But choosing to be a Surfer instead of a Controller means I’m changing the way to relate to these challenges.  The way I participate in and manage the chaos around me.

After all, there’s no controlling the waves.

Our only choice is to ride them.

There’s no controlling life.

Our only choice is how we participate in it.

Today, take a minute to consider which mode you’ve been in lately: Controller? Or Surfer?

Which one would you like to be in?

Which one will help you meet today’s challenges effectively, gracefully, with an open mind and open heart?

Speaking of openness, last week on Instagram Live I talked about divergence and convergence – otherwise known as the ebb and flow of expanding and contracting our viewpoint.

In every moment of life, we can either flare out to see a broader picture, or focus in to make sense and move forward. 

Many of us, in our desire to control, try to stay in that focus space, that phase of convergence. 

But in order to make a choice that’s really right for you, you have to explore. 

You have to diverge.

This Wednesday at 8pm ET on IG Live, I’m going to share more about how divergent thinking can help you get to career (and life) clarity.

When we’re crunched for time, burnt out and anxious about the change we seek, divergent thinking can feel indulgent or even wasteful.

I don’t have the time to broaden my perspective. I have to do something. Now.

Here’s the honest truth: divergent thinking is one of the most crucial stages in your journey to discover what comes next.

And I’m excited to tell you why – and how to get started – this Wednesday at 8pm ET. I hope you’ll join me.

In the meantime, let’s grab our surfboards and get back into the water.

Onward,