Holding Space for Two Things to Be True
A few months ago, I was tucking into my Monday morning bowl of granola when I bit down on something hard.
Is there a pebble in my cereal, I wondered?
No. It turns out it was my tooth.
Talk about a case of the Mondays.
I did not have “Urgent Trip to the Dentist” on my calendar for the day, but that’s what happens sometimes.
I was pretty freaked out at first, but once I got over the shock of what happened and I got a hold of my dentist to make a last-minute appointment, I started to calm down.
Which is just about the point when the following prompt popped into my head:
“I’m thrilled this is happening because…”
I remember exactly when I heard this prompt for the first time. Another coach, Gina DeVee, was talking about how she deals with setbacks in her work and personal life.
Her approach? Turn the setback on its head, and look for the blessing instead.
I’m thrilled I cracked my tooth because…
There’s something so compelling – exciting, even – about pairing the word THRILLED with a trip to the dentist (and no, it’s not because I love going to the dentist).
It’s because it’s such an extreme stretch to go from dental work to feeling thrilled that my brain immediately tunes in and wants.to.solve.this.puzzle.
Now let me be clear: this is not about spouting toxic positivity. This is not about turning that frown upside down, or looking for silver linings.
Instead, it’s about being able and willing to hold two opposing things as true at the same time:
I’m really upset that I broke my tooth,
AND
I’m also really thrilled it happened.
Why? Well, a few reasons just off the top of my head:
I’m thrilled it happened because it reminded me of how important it is to take care of my teeth (and how much I value being able to chew with them).
I’m thrilled it happened because for weeks I’d been having stress dreams about my teeth cracking and falling out – and this event confirmed my intuition was right
I’m thrilled it happened because it reaffirmed for me why I work for myself: I was able to drop everything and go to the dentist when they had an opening.
I’m thrilled it happened because it slowed me down and forced me to eat my meals (and really do everything) more carefully and intentionally.
Again, this isn’t about just switching to ‘gratitude-mode’ immediately and bypassing the painful feelings on the way.
But I do believe that every challenge, every setback, is a chance to practice holding space for the duality of life.
Things can be good and they can be bad at the same time.
In fact, they often are.
Graduations are exciting and bittersweet.
Babies being born are awe-inspiring and overwhelming.
New jobs are fast-paced and frustratingly slow.
New dreams are energizing and exhausting.
Whatever challenge you’re facing right now – I invite you to consider the “flip side.”
Not for the sake of pretending that everything’s ok, or that the sucky parts don’t suck.
But because life is always a mix of both.
A yes, and – not an either, or.
What’s thrilling you about where you’re stuck? What’s great about the challenge you’re facing? Hit reply and let me know.
Onward,
PS: Did you know I have space in my practice for one new 1:1 private coaching client? Could it be you? Read more about my 6-month coaching program, as well as examples of the results my clients get.