Allowing yourself to change

On Wednesday, July 5th, my husband and I celebrated 15 years of marriage together.

WHOA.

There are not many other things I’ve done for 15 years. So being married that long? I’m really, really proud of us.

When we got married, I was 27 – and I thought I had life completely figured out.

I’ll give myself credit: I did have a lot of it figured out. A lot of the important stuff at least.

But what I hadn’t yet figured out? Myself.

I look back on the woman in our wedding album and I see someone who was laser focused on following the path that had been laid out for her:

Go to a good college.

Get a good job. 

Move up the ranks. 

Get promoted. 

Make more money.

Get married.

Go to grad school.

Etc etc etc.

I look at the woman smiling in those photos and I can so easily remember the ways she was denying herself and her truth.

Holding back her passion and her creativity.

Restraining her voice and her body to fit into the shapes she thought mattered.

Assuming that if she just played the game right, she’d get everything she was promised.

Important note: marrying my husband was hands-down the wisest, most transformative decision I have ever made for myself (honey, if you’re reading this, I love you!).

AND also, I am shocked – seriously – that I managed to make such an informed, positive life choice, when I still didn’t know so much about myself.

At 27, I knew I was doing “my best.”

At 42, I know that “my best” evolves with time.

So often we hold ourselves to the standards we set when we were much younger.

We force ourselves to keep striving and pushing for the goals that mattered to us years, even decades, ago.

Do you allow yourself to evolve? 

To update the things you care about?

To revise your values and priorities?

It may seem counterintuitive, but I think allowing ourselves to evolve has been the key to a successful first 15 years of marriage.

Slowly, honestly, earnestly examining who we are and where we want to go – together.

Being willing to cast out the stuff that’s no longer true.

Being open to the ideas and inspiration that point us in new directions.

Being brave enough to be honest and redesign our alliance as/when needed.

It’s not fair nor productive to hold yourself to the rules and standards you set (or were set for you) when you were younger. 

You are allowed to change.

What outdated beliefs, goals, values or priorities are you ready to let go of?

Onward,