Want change? Stop avoiding this.
What’s one conversation you wish you could avoid?
One discussion or negotiation that you’d love to just skip right over?
Chances are it has something to do with change.
No matter what the change is – if we want to make something new, we have to be willing to speak up about it.
To advocate for it. To advocate for ourselves.
This weekend I was reminded of an article I wrote almost two years ago – and thought I'd share it with you today.
Have a read and then comment below: what conversation have you been avoiding? And what might happen if you reframed this conversation not as a path to confrontation – but as a path to liberation instead?
Have a great week,
***
Should I call 911?
As the huge sign in the strip mall burst into flames, I fumbled for my phone and started to dial.
Minutes earlier, sitting outside at a lunch spot with my friend, I’d noticed a bit of gray smoke wafting in the parking lot.
Out of the corner of my eye, I’d assumed it was exhaust coming from a car.
Smelly, yes. Bad for the environment, definitely. But not out of the ordinary.
Then – seconds later – the smoke became flames, the flames got bigger, and suddenly, the whole sign was engulfed. A crowd grew as the fire raged – people shifting nervously, wondering what to do.
That’s when I picked up my phone and dialed 911.
In a matter of moments, the tiny nuisance I thought I could avoid had become a full-on explosion.
Cue the fire department.
Also: cue the metaphor for life.
What are the conversations, scenarios or relationships that you’d rather just avoid?
The ones that only bother you when you think about them – so you just try not to think about them. EVER.
Let’s imagine those things are like the single, burning wick of a small candle. Just enough heat to know we don’t want to touch it, but not enough of a fire to really worry about it.
As long as the flame doesn’t spread (ie: we don’t spend any time thinking about it), we can sometimes trick ourselves into forgetting it’s even there.
There’s a conversation in my life I’ve been avoiding. Like, big time.
One little flame that has been burning in the background for a while. Something too scary, too unconventional, too audacious to face it.
And so I hoped this little flame would just, over time, quietly run out of the wax and oxygen it needed to keep burning.
Don’t we always wish the tough conversations would just slowly extinguish themselves?
And yet…
And yet... I knew I wasn’t making progress on the goals I’d set for myself.
And yet… I knew I wouldn’t make progress if I didn’t throw some kindling on this fire.
So, baby steps. On a walk with a friend, I confided: there’s this “conversation flame” slowly burning and I know I don’t want to talk about it.
Can we talk about that?
As we talked, we gathered little sticks and branches and slowly added them to this metaphorical fire. And as we walked, the flames got a little bit bigger, and brighter.
The more we talked about it, the more the flame grew.
I started to feel warm, flushed, energized.
And somewhere along the way, my original fear started wafting into the air like little puffs of smoke. The more we talked, the more my fear disappeared.
By the end of our walk, in the ashes that were leftover, something new appeared:
Liberation.
Liberation away from fear, and towards so much more: potential, opportunity, growth, fulfillment.
I started out wishing and hoping that ‘my too scary’ conversation would just go away.
But by gathering my kindling and stoking the fire, I actually made room for something much more important.
What simmering flames are you avoiding?
What questions or ideas might be ignited with a little extra kindling?
Burn baby, burn.
Onward,
Ashley
PS: When you’re ready to commit to your change effort, be sure to download my new, free guide The Secret Formula for Lasting Change: a step-by-step workbook to help you kickstart the change you want for your career and life.